The first day at summer vacation!
Rörvik/Näset – in a turquoise self-made dress – my school exam before graduation – I wanted to be a designer. So ambitious. It was an intensive year of home sewing – advanced long coat – suit overall and a lot of other things. It was like that for a while, a year, but at 15 everything collapsed.
I went in to eliminate my wardrobe – it was a big act – of an unconscious kind, it was on pure primal force, intuition and without me realizing at the time – the beginning of my artistry.
Early drawing. In some way, in retrospect, it seems to be a bit about rebelling, dressing up and playing roles…speaking of the difficulty I went through with my wardrobe!
And when I now look a little closer – heaven – it looks like the front figure, the girl in the hat, in triumph puts her foot on a knocked out individual – has she killed? I actually don’t remember. The picture at first looks like child’s play, but on a closer look there is a terrible drama in the picture.
Difficult time - 6 years of much thinking, much wondering - besides existential musings, I know that even dark, haunted things for me, things I’ve seen, experienced that didn’t belong in “furnished rooms”. Deep revolt against family traditions - things that were boring, without true presence, things that just repeated themselves as an eternal pattern. The parents' marriage began, behind the scenes, to fall apart, and it colored us all.
I had many thoughts about how to be, how to want to be… created ideals!
… many thoughts about human qualities – I was very attentive to how people acted, interacted… I learned a great deal by watching. I spoke very little – some almost never heard my voice, during these years, except absolutely the closest friends.
After these years in a vacuum, I went home to my mother in the countryside – Månstad – where I arranged for my first studio in the basement – I was 21.
I really had a lot to catch up on, in terms of discipline & diet. Forest and magic were outside the house – it provided the nourishment needed to manifest the will.
